I’ve been completely deflated since my child’s Autism diagnosis. physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have had more days spent on my couch too depressed to get up than I’d like to admit. I have had to grieve the loss of the future I expected for my son. For my family. For myself. I’m learning that if don’t fully allow myself to mourn this loss, I will not be able to joyfully welcome this gift.
I’d pray about it, but the power of prayer isn’t there most days. I’d talk with my close friends about it, but most of them have disappeared. So, I’ve done a lot of self-evaluation. My conclusion is that everyday I need to work through the 3 R’s. Release. Recharge. Restart.
Release. Let it go. Whatever I was holding onto the day before, give it up. Free myself from the chains of anger, fear, loneliness, disappointment. A new day,a new opportunity.
Recharge. Allow that release to energize me. Of course, coffee will help this process. But, mainly freedom from the chains I tied myself up with.
Restart. Now that I’ve been freed and recharged, I can go and start my new day. I am now ready to take on the day’s joys and pains. I can now greet them with the respect they deserve. And if by the end of this new day I’m once again deflated, then a new day will arrive and I can release, recharge, and restart.
Being the mother of a special needs child is hard, challenging, and sometimes a very lonely and dark place. But with renewal each morning, I no longer have to live there. I can choose to see the magnificent gift we’ve been given. I can choose to live there. There will be days I just need to feel all the feelings, but I can release them when I’m finished.