Bain clapped his hands right before falling asleep. Clapping is something he used to do all the time. At some point, excited claps turned into excited arm flapping. It’s really adorable to watch. But there’s something different watching him do an activity that he used to do all the time. It’s where celebration and grief collide. It’s the feeling of seeing someone again you thought you lost. I can only imagine that children caring for parent’s with Alzheimer’s disease feels this joyful pain when they’re remembered, if only for a second. They call this ambiguous loss.
This feeling reminds me of Good Friday. There’s so much pain in reflecting the execution of Jesus, the Prince of Peace. The grieving of his murder seems right, yet we call it “Good”. We celebrate in our grief. We celebrate because all things will be renewed.
Even in my personal, joyous, bittersweet grief, all things are being renewed. Jesus defeated death. It is with Jesus that I hope to defeat this grief.